Bothoromir and his Amazing Taser
by hanatarou
Summary: It's a really stupid story of a guy who tasers characters from Lord of the Rings. Most of the credit goes to my brother. It's funny in a stupid sort of way. Enjoy!...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I'm quite proud to announce that I'm just an ordinary girl who does not own anything Lord of the Rings related...there is a little Matrix fling as well. I don't own that either.

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"I will take it!" called out the little hobbit. The arguing started to die down. "I will take it," he repeated. Everyone couldn't say anything. All eyes turned to Frodo as he walked forward. 

"Though," he finished, "I do not know the way." The first to offer help was his old friend, the wizard Gandalf. As each of the future Fellowship members stepped forward, the crowd grew smaller. Lord Elrond's smile grew with shrinking council members. They heard a rustling in the bushes.

Then, out of the darkest shadows around the council room, came our very heroic hero, Bothoromir. He took a giant leap forward and put his hands in front of him in the form of a dramatic dive. From the depths of his pocket he pulled his only and most trustworthy friend: his taser. Almost as if in slow motion, Bothoromir 'gracefully' whipped his weapon towards the elf master. He pressed th button he knew so well. In an instant, Elrond fell to the ground, the electric wires sticking to him. Bothoromir smiled in triumph and completed his leap by diving over the low wall and down a steep hill.

The sharp pain of rocks bit into him as he tumbled to the watery abyss below.

"VICTORY!" he called in his last instants. The cold, icy death clung to him and everything turned to a dark blur.

"Did he just taser Elrond?" Frodo asked in an uprising tone. Everyone was silent.

The wizard stopped on the bridge of Kazad-Dum. He turned to face the large, fiery Balrog.

"Go back to the shadows! Dark fire shall not avail you! Flame of Udun!" Gandalf yelled to his enemy, "You! shall not! pass!" He lifted his staff and sword above his head before pressong it to the stone bridge. A misty white ring of smoke came from beneath it. The bridge began to crack.

Slowly, large blocks of stone fell from Kazad-Dum, the Balrog along with it. They had won. Gandalf began to turn around, though once facing the other direction, he saw a figure running toward the edge of the bridge.

Bothoromir leapt right as he crossed the surprised wizard's path. The same slow motion effect as in Rivendell, and many times before, came over him once again. His faithful weapon felt nice to be enclosed in his fingers. He slashed it in front of him, pointing it towards the fiery black whip in the hands of the falling Balrog. Bothoromir gently pushed his thumb against the green button of his companion. The quiet sound of the electric shock ran in his ears as the wires pressed themselves against the monster's weapon. Bothoromir smirked his pride. He didn't feel the ground as he plunged into the black gap beneath him.

"VICTORY!" he called to those above before he felt the pain of death...again.

"Did he just taser the Balrog's whip?" Frodo asked in an uprising tone. Everyone was silent.

The elf pushed Asfaloth as hard as the pure white horse would go. For some reason, it felt like a heavy weight was holding her back. The Ringwraiths were following close behind. Once she crossed the ford, she stopped on the bank. Arwen drew her sword.

"If you want him, come and claim him!" she said fiercely to her enemies on the other side of the river. Each one drew their own weapon and started to ride towards her. Arwen followed through with her plan. She began to whisper a spell, but before it finished, the weight holding her down jumped over her head from the back of her horse.

Bothoromir felt a deep sense of accomplishment that he had gone so long unnoticed. The wave of a Matrix like slow motion washed over the scene as he pulled from his pocket his well-known taser. His eyes gleamed with dramatic effect. Bothoromir smiled before anything had even happened. He manuvered his body to face the other way, to make eye contact with the elf he had been riding with, without her knowing. His finger pressed the button in a mechanical motion. This time was a little different from usual though. This time, Bothoromir chuckled. The electric wires stabbed into Arwen and she went flying back behind the horse, Frodo falling from his seat and coming out of his trance.

"VICTORY!" Bothoromir voiced his pride. The instant he fell he felt the horses hooves pushing into his body before he died yet again.

"Did he just taser Arwen?" Frodo asked in an uprising tone. The Ringwraiths were silent.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything Lord of the Rings in this story. Kay? Cool. Learn that soon so I don't have to type it every time.

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Bothoromir sat in the shadows, awaiting his moment. The blue tint in the air was the perfect setting for his victory to come. He wanted to laugh, but it would blow his cover, so he continued to watch in silence. The eight people he had seen earlier were standing in a row. He had previously tasered the big fiery thingy he had seen in Moria, and the ninth had fainted out of shock once Bothoromir had fallen down the cliff. That's why he was missing.

There was silence as the people they were _all _waiting for came down the steps already high from the ground. Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel. It was coming. Bothoromir felt his blood begin to rise as he saw them slowly descending. His mind became slightly meniac with excitement. A few words were said back and forth and then...

Bothoromir felt his feet spring from the ground as he took two leaping steps forward from his dark hiding place and dove as far as he could forward. He felt all eyes turn to him, but there was only one person he cared about in that moment. An elf...and his taser.

Bothoromir reached his hand into his pocket and felt his taser begging to be used. He pulled it out to reveal to everyone. He thought he heard someone say, "Not again," with a sigh. The tension rose in the area as everyone awaited who would be the next victim of the leaping freak. Bothoromir smiled at their anxiety. Carefully yet hastily, he pressed the button on his silver friend. The wires moved in slow-mo towards Galadriel. She shook and fell down.

"VICTORY!" Bothoromir screamed as loud as he could. It echoed around the forest as he fell nothing but more air beneath him as he dropped to the bottom of Lothlorien, barely missing the platform that everyone stood on.

"Did he just taser Galadriel?" Frodo asked in an uprising tone. Everyone was silent.

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Bothoromir sat on his knees quietly in the shadow of the trees. His heart was racing and he couldn't keep himself from smirking. He was doing everything in his power to remain from breaking out in manaical laughter.

"Do you hear that?" Frodo said from only a few feet ahead of Bothoromir, "It sounds like a _heart _beating." The others shrugged it off. Bothoromir was almost disappointed, hoping that they could've been a little more afraid for his entrance. Maybe the others would die of a heart attack, then he'd get five people in only one assault. More like midgets. Why was everyone so _short _in this place?

_Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong a dillo!   
_

_Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!_

_Tom Bom, Jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!_

_Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! My Darling!_

_Light goes the wea-..._

He reached into his pocket and removed his oldest and dearest friend. The familiar feel of the taser was so relaxing. He began to count.

_One. _The four midgets were drawing closer to the singing midget.

_Two. _The midgets were mingling.

_Three. _Die midgets.

Bothoromir sprung forward in a fit of evil will and maniacal laughs. His taser was already placed into the firm grip of his palm. He brought his arm underneath his body, so the taser faced the staring midgets. One of them said something like "Not this guy again" with a response of "I thought he died", but Bothoromir couldn't tell. He was having to much fun. He pressed down onto the green button.

The two curled wires shot. Everyone jumped out of the way, except for the singing midget, who collapsed to the ground after a quick shake. Bothoromir continued to laugh.

"VICTORY!" he cheered in just that. It echoed through the woods, but was cut short when the large trunk of a tree collided with his head.

"Did he just taser Tom Bombadil?" Frodo asked in an uprising tone. Everyone was silent.


End file.
